There Is A Funeral In My Heart, For Every Man I Loved

by Fifi Rong

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trevmc123 Another Me
Is a fav of many Fifi songs❤️🎶🎶
Love the many versions you have done of it. & the Yi Jing live performance version is a fav❤️🎶🎶🙏🤯 Favorite track: Another Me.

Jack music Life ♠️ Only pearls for Valentine's LoverS ❤️ An incredible double love album 🖤 Favorite track: I'm Enough.

	/

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DOUBLE ALBUM TRACK LIST
Album 1 (English: There Is A Funeral In My Heart, For Every Man I Loved）
1. Out of clock
2. Only Man
3. Love Yourself First
4. Another Me
5. Distance
6. Beg For More
7. I refused to Break Down
8. Alchemist
9. I’m Enough
10. Dream On
11. Stay Away
12. Another Me (Acapella)

Album 2 (Chinese: 心葬)
1. 来不及（Out of clock）
2. 流尘（Only Man）
3. 自爱（Love Yourself First）
4. 另一个我（Another Me）
5. 距离（Distance）
6. 金石为开（Alchemist）
7. 足够（I’m Enough）
8. 梦之爱恋（Dream On）
9. 离开你（Stay Away）
10. 零度空间 (QFT)
11. 唯美（Art For Art's Sake）
12. 另一个我 Another Me (无伴奏)

Album Concept
In the creation of my double album, 'There Is A Funeral In My Heart, For Every Man I Loved (心葬),' I ventured into the depths of my soul, where music thrived while other passions withered. This journey, spanning five years of solitary writing, recording, and producing, gave birth to a series of heart-rending ballads. These songs are woven with the essence of lost loves, their spectral presences finding solace in the album's melodies. This work is not just a collection of songs; it's a healing ritual, a poignant invitation to find joy in the aftermath of sorrow, an endeavour to craft something that resonates beyond the constraints of time.

Story and Sound
This double album mirrors my cultural duality, split evenly between English and Chinese, reflecting my Chinese-British heritage. It's a musical memoir, chronicling the loves and lives that have shaped me. The album delves into the paradox of strength in vulnerability, exploring how our deepest wounds often teach the most profound lessons. Out of over a hundred demos, I handpicked each track for its emotional resonance, ensuring that every piece touched me deeply from inception to completion. The production leans into a distinctly feminine, vocal-centric aesthetic, a reflection of my expertise as a female producer. A transformative ayahuasca retreat in 2019, guided by a Peruvian Shaman, inspired me to harness the raw, unfiltered power of the voice – the most intimate and potent instrument of the soul.

Album Artwork: Life-Size Painting

The concept of commissioning my esteemed friend and supporter, Shane Rodrigues, to create a life-size hyper-realism acrylic painting stems from my desire to honour the years dedicated to crafting this double album as a 'sonic painting'.
Dylan Chubb, whom I had the fortune of meeting during the 2019 Ayahuasca retreat, serves as the art director and photographer for this album. Additionally, my graphic designer, Eric from Kahinienn Graphix, transitioned from being an admirer of my work to a pivotal collaborator, working closely with me on a daily basis.

A Deeper Journey: Pain, Acceptance and Transcendence
The album is a portrait of human condition archetypes, presented as a collection of unrequited love stories from the perspective of a woman who tragically and willingly enters romantic affairs doomed from the start. In a way, she has crafted her own narratives and repeatedly played the same role ritualistically, yet remains unaware of the reasons.
She cycles through a pattern of attachment and detachment, with each encounter and departure symbolising love as an elusive flame, ultimately extinguished like a dream from the day before. In her songs, she narrates these tales while seeking answers and, ultimately, transcendence. She embraces the pain of each chosen experience, but must heal her wounds in solitude, thus invariably leaving each situation and returning to her inherent state of otherworldliness.
This explains why she conducts a funeral ritual for every man she once truly loved, only to inevitably forget and erase him from her heart. Despite her vulnerable, feminine, and melancholic exterior, she possesses an indomitable strength, allowing her to engage with love earnestly each time, and prepare herself for the next emotional adventure or life's upheaval.
People of all genders may find a piece of themselves in her at different times, as she embodies the collective consciousness: fear, pain, insecurity, lust, loss, disappointment, suffering, loneliness, and the longing to be loved. The sequence of pain she endures symbolises the unenlightened egoic state of human conditions — that of conditional love.
Emotionally, I became her while writing these songs

This album is dedicated to all who have endured heartbreak, pain, and suffering. Let us collectively hold funerals for our pains and embark on a journey of healing together.
I take immense pride in this album, so much so that if I were to pass away tomorrow, I would do so content. However, as long as I am alive, it is both my duty and honor to share this work with you and the world.
For most of my life, becoming the music artist I am today seemed an unattainable dream. This is why I urge you to liberate yourself and live your truth, regardless of your circumstances or age.

Includes unlimited streaming of There Is A Funeral In My Heart, For Every Man I Loved via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. ... more

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1.	Out Of Clock 05:00	lyrics	buy track
Out Of Clock 在我的心里，似乎经历过许多葬礼悼念深爱过的人 There is a funeral in my heart, for every man I loved 这是一个决裂，孤独的仪式他们来去无常，最后一个个的消失，但死亡是绝对的 There is a funeral in my heart, for every man I loved 就让他们在我心里死去，因为 There is a funeral in my heart, for every man I loved 只有彻底放弃和遗忘，才能获得重生 Every day I wanted more Every bridge I had to cross Every bet I won and lost Led to nothing but these words Coming from within It was all a dream that shook me to the awakening Closer than I ever thought it would be Have I not learnt from every kind of suffering I can only hope my luck will be changing And the help is coming But my time is running out of clock Running out of clock Running out of clock for me to chase around the world And my heart is running out of love Running out of love Running out of love For me to still hope it will last My life is running out of space For anyone to stay Every man I’ve ever loved Every time I had to mourn Each of them I came to trust Left me nothing but these cuts Into silent screams It was such a high that’s fallen to pieces Over anything I had ever imagined Does heaven make a sound when the heart is breaking I can only hope my future will be changing And real love is coming But my time is running out of clock Running out of clock Running out of clock for me to chase around the world And my heart is running out of love Running out of love Running out of love For me to still hope it will last But my time is running out of clock Running out of clock Running out of clock for me to chase around the world And my heart is running out of love Running out of love Running out of love For me to still hope it will last My life is running out of space For anyone to stay But the time is running out of clock Running out of clock Running out of clock Running out of clock There is a funeral in my heart, for every man I loved But the time is running out of clock Running out of clock Running out of clock There is a funeral in my heart, for every man I loved
2.	Only Man 04:16	lyrics	buy track
Only Man I don’t care if it’s one-off I won’t let them touch me again  You bet I can give you all  The heart don’t pretend So I’ll keep it clean for you Even if you’d never know I don’t even care I’m one of them  You are still my only man I don’t even care I’m one of them  You are still my only man You said I’m a one-off You always know I am I die just a little more With loyalty on no man’s land I don’t want anyone but you I don’t even need a cure I don’t even care I’m one of them  you are still my only man I don’t even care I’m one of them  you are still my only man  I don’t even care I don’t even care  I don’t even care I’m one of them  You are still my only man I don’t even care I’m one of them  You are still my only man I don’t even care I’m one of them  You are still my only man I don’t even care I’m one of them  You are still my only man I don’t care I’m one of them You are still my You are still my only man
3.	Love Yourself First 03:50	lyrics	buy track
Love Yourself First Oh my shaky worthiness I woke up feeling like this Oh my wary confidence It put me in a crisis Love ended before it starts before it starts before it starts I couldn't make it last and make it last and I see it passes 他们的爱，他们的爱，他们的爱无法拯救我 (Their love can not save me) 他们的爱，他们的爱，他们的爱永远不够多（Their love is never enough）给我自己的爱，自己的爱，自己的爱最简单快乐 (My own love is the simplest happiness) 给我自己的爱，自己的爱，自己的爱是最终解脱 (My own love is the ultimate salvation) All I want is liberation I’m paying for my freedom So I choose to be broken Surrender to the present Love ended before it starts before it starts before it starts I wanted to make it last and make it last and I see it passes 他们的爱，他们的爱，他们的爱无法拯救我 (Their love can not save me) 他们的爱，他们的爱，他们的爱永远不够多（Their love is never enough）给我自己的爱，自己的爱，自己的爱最简单快乐 (My own love is the simplest happiness) 给我自己的爱，自己的爱，自己的爱是最终解脱 (My own love is the ultimate salvation) 为了下次分离做好准备 (Prepare for the next separation) 保护灵魂最柔弱的部位 (Protect the softest place in my soul) 自爱远远比他爱更珍贵 (Love from the self is far more precious than love from others) 自爱原本是最纯粹的美 (Loving oneself is the purest form of beauty) 他们的爱，他们的爱，他们的爱无法拯救我 (Their love can not save me) 他们的爱，他们的爱，他们的爱永远不够多（Their love is never enough）给我自己的爱，自己的爱，自己的爱最简单快乐 (My own love is the simplest happiness) 给我自己的爱，自己的爱，自己的爱是最终解脱 (My own love is the ultimate salvation) 给我自己的爱，自己的爱，自己的爱最简单快乐 (My own love is the simplest happiness) 给我自己的爱，自己的爱，自己的爱是最终解脱 (My own love is the ultimate salvation)
4.	Avant-Pop, Acapella, - Another Me 04:58	lyrics	buy track
Another me Fevers burn away Lovers die alone Summer’s ending soon And the days are done In the morning sun Lovers disappeared Flowers bloom beneath Future don’t exist For you I could take it all, take it all, I take on all the blame I was waiting for you here I had no fear but you never came For you I could give it all give it all no matter what it takes I was longing for you here I made it clear what if I say You won’t find another me, another me You won’t find another me, another me Tears are gone to waste For another song Winter’s here to stay And the nights are long Where we gonna run When love disappears Will you let me go Will you let me in For you I could take it all take it all I’ll take on all the pain Where it comes is where it goes, when it goes, without a trace You won’t find another me, another me But you might find happiness, happiness By the time you’re here I’ll have to go I will have to leave By the time you’re here I’ll have to go I will have to leave By the time you’re here I’ll have to go I will have to leave So you will find happiness, happiness You won’t find another me, another me You won’t find another me, another me… Fevers burn away burn away burn away Summer’s ending soon ending soon ending soon In the morning sun morning sun morning sun Flowers bloom beneath Future don’t exist
5.	Distance 04:15	lyrics	buy track
Distance Jealousy, I’m bored of you Wanna talk but I’ve no words You’re so cold, I’m scared of you You’re so good, I hate on you Wanna make it last, in my sky You don’t believe so watch me grow Kind of detached, too lazy to feel How much love can fight with something new When I hear you say, those ordinary words I listened intently, as if I’ve never heard When I saw you stare, at the sky that might fall I wanna kiss your neck, and forgive all your fault Jealousy, I’m bored of you Wanna talk but I’ve no thought I really cared but I let it go How much love can fight with something new When I hear you say, those ordinary words I listened intently, as if I’ve never heard When I saw you stare, at the sky that might fall I wanna kiss your neck, and forgive all your fault Am I moving too fast, in isolation? I told you my past, did you ever listen I showed you my scars, but you kept your distance I know that I’ve loved, in your absence In your absence When I hear you say, those ordinary words I listened intently, as if I’ve never heard When I saw you stare, at the sky that might fall I wanna kiss your neck, and forgive all your fault I watch the way you walk, wish we don’t have to stop Matching you every step, knowing we don’t have to talk I watch the way you walk, wish we don’t have to stop Matching you every step, knowing we don’t have to
6.	Beg For More 03:57	lyrics	buy track
Beg For More Your colour’s so intense I must have you again My head if full of you Even when I’m with a perfect ten Down in myths and wishes Again, again and again Run my hand through your hair I show you we were one See I’m driven for you somehow you’ve got me enjoy the pain So just take me higher to unlock my hunger Make me beg for more tell me don’t I deserve Make me beg for more tell me don’t I deserve Make me beg for more tell me don’t I deserve Make me beg for more tell me don’t I deserve Your colour’s so intense Now I want you again My bed is full of you Even when I’m with another man Go on and push my limits Again, again and again Don’t be afraid to hurt me I told you we were one See I’m tripping for you somehow you take me back then So just take me higher, until I’m senseless and lost Again, again and again Make me beg for more tell me don’t I deserve Make me beg for more tell me don’t I deserve Make me beg for more tell me don’t I deserve Make me beg for more tell me don’t I deserve Take me where you take me Take me where you wanna Take me where you take me Take me where you wanna Your colour’s so intense Now I want you again My bed is full of you Even when I’m with another man So make me beg for more Make me beg for more Make me beg for more Tell me don't’ I… Watch me dance on top Hair down like water falling Watch me dance on top Hair down like water falling
7.	I Refuse To Break Down 01:32	lyrics	buy track
爸說我選擇的路很難走，得做好準備這個世界可能要2年， 20年，或200年 My father told me, it might take the world 2 years, 20 years or 200 years for them to understand. 也有可能他們永遠都聽不懂，也無所謂了。
8.	Alchemist 03:41	lyrics	buy track
I refuse to breakdown I hate to turn around Oh oh oh When autumn leaves are gone Where do I belong Oh oh oh I’ll turn it into gold I’ll become the alchemist And carve my prayer in stone To get a little higher So I can see the light, so I can see the light Surrender to the light Light… I have been holding on Hold it beneath my tongue Oh oh oh There’s nothing left undone I’ve got no needs and wants Oh oh oh I asked for all this pain To be the alchemist I’ve burnt it all So my dreams are a little brighter So I can see the light, so I can see the light Surrender to the light Light… Under the sky I forgive it all I understand it’s not their fault I hear the whisper in my ears It makes my body go crazy But I know it’s the only way To be the alchemist To be the alchemist and surrender to the light Surrender to the light Light…
9.	Dream On 04:09	lyrics	buy track
Dream On 梦之哀恋梦之哀恋 I still dream on knowing that we have long passed the end To a point of no return You come to me in a world I created where you’re my man I walked away, with your words still floating on my lips Like we did on your staircase We laugh we talk for the weekend together in a naked room I’m falling apart, rising above You were being you so my love began Your chest your eyes and your arms your soul Your skin your lips your scent your ghost I'll stay I'll leave I'll suffer I'll kill All I know is I'm in love with you Your chest your eyes your arms your soul Your skin your lips how can I let go I'll stay I'll leave I'll suffer I'll kill All I know is I'm in love with you 梦之哀恋梦之哀恋 Tell me the stories of all of your tattoos in the gloom From your hands to your neck Send me away thinking of that unknown strange perfume The pain from desire blue fire streaming down in tears Into the flame I burn I twisted my body into destruction to get through To you You concurred my heart with a passion for art My survival depends on your kissing descends Your chest your eyes and your arms your soul You skin your lips your scent your ghost I'll stay I'll leave I'll suffer I'll kill All I know is I'm in love with you Your chest your eyes your arms your soul Your skin your lips how can I let go I'll stay I'll leave I'll suffer I'll kill All I know is I'm in love with you 梦之哀恋梦之哀恋
10.	I'm Enough 04:14	lyrics	buy track
I’m Enough You said ‘I’m right here’ My heart in a dilated soul Waiting for luck I hear the words so far no love I’m nothing to you Nothing to you Nothing to…nothing to you Am I not enough to keep you dreaming? You don’t talk to me anymore You call somebody else ‘babe’ Your silence is louder than words you tried your best to hide it Never thought it would end like this Don’t make me think, my love, I wasn’t even close anyway Am I not enough to stay forever? And to be your lover To be your lover To be your one and only any night I’d get through it You try to hide but you’ve fallen out of love with me But I’m enough, I’m enough, I’m enough No one could hurt me Unless when I let you in So Where are you now? I hear no words, no call, no love I got nothing to hold on Nothing to hold on to Am I not enough to keep you dreaming? Don’t you want me anymore Don’t you wanna be with me ‘babe’ This silence is louder than war Love dies in a heartbeat I wonder if you’d ever feel like this You will never take away what I have earned from betrayal That’s turned into melodies that stay forever And to be my lover be my lover be my one and only I will shed a million tears I’m enough, I’m enough, I’m enough
11.	Stay Away 04:18	lyrics	buy track
Stay Away Chasing the same high once I stumbled upon But I never got it back Hide in the shadows avoiding to confront And I know it’s self-denial Take it off Let it go And Put it down Shake it off Let it go And put it down Take it off Let it go And Put it down I’m on the road ahead there’ nothing for me Don’t wanna end a hollow flame to end the melancholic fade At first it’s not a lie It ain’t no my first to suss it out I know it could happen to anyone So guess I’ll stay away from you Stay away from you I’ll stay away from you I’m too strange for the most I'm too strange for the most Take it off Let it go And Put it down Shake it off Let it go And put it down Take it off Let it go And put it down And walk the road ahead You’ve nothing for me I’ve got to end this dying flame of the melancholic fate So Guess I’ll stay away from you Stay away from you I’ll stay away from you I’m too strange for the most It’s so strange that Love is not a noun No one knows at first to hold it down Ain’t no one’s fault It’s only my downfall So Guess I’ll stay away from you Stay away from you I’ll stay away from you I’m too strange for the most Stay away from you Ah….. Love’s so strange Take it off Let it go And Put it down I’m on the road ahead you’re nothing to me
12.	Another Me (Acapella) 04:58	lyrics	buy track
Fevers burn away Lovers die alone Summer’s ending soon And the days are done In the morning sun Lovers disappeared Flowers bloom beneath Future don’t exist For you I could take it all, take it all, I take on all the blame I was waiting for you here I had no fear but you never came For you I could give it all give it all no matter what it takes I was longing for you here I made it clear what if I say You won’t find another me, another me You won’t find another me, another me Tears are gone to waste For another song Winter’s here to stay And the nights are long Where we gonna run When love disappears Will you let me go Will you let me in For you I could take it all take it all I’ll take on all the pain Where it comes is where it goes, when it goes, without a trace You won’t find another me, another me But you might find happiness, happiness By the time you’re here I’ll have to go I will have to leave By the time you’re here I’ll have to go I will have to leave By the time you’re here I’ll have to go I will have to leave So you will find happiness, happiness You won’t find another me, another me You won’t find another me, another me… Fevers burn away burn away burn away Summer’s ending soon ending soon ending soon In the morning sun morning sun morning sun Flowers bloom beneath Future don’t exist

about

Track listing:

1. Out of clock
2. Only Man
3. Love Yourself First
4. Another Me
5. Distance
6. Beg For More
7. I refused to Break Down
8. Alchemist
9. I’m Enough
10. Dream On
11. Stay Away
12. Another Me (Acapella)

Album Concept

In the creation of my double album, 'There Is A Funeral In My Heart, For Every Man I Loved (心葬),' I ventured into the depths of my soul, where music thrived while other passions withered. This journey, spanning five years of solitary writing, recording, and producing, gave birth to a series of heart-rending ballads. These songs are woven with the essence of lost loves, their spectral presences finding solace in the album's melodies. This work is not just a collection of songs; it's a healing ritual, a poignant invitation to find joy in the aftermath of sorrow, an endeavour to craft something that resonates beyond the constraints of time.

Story and Sound

This double album mirrors my cultural duality, split evenly between English and Chinese, reflecting my Chinese-British heritage. It's a musical memoir, chronicling the loves and lives that have shaped me. The album delves into the paradox of strength in vulnerability, exploring how our deepest wounds often teach the most profound lessons. Out of over a hundred demos, I handpicked each track for its emotional resonance, ensuring that every piece touched me deeply from inception to completion. The production leans into a distinctly feminine, vocal-centric aesthetic, a reflection of my expertise as a female producer. A transformative ayahuasca retreat in 2019, guided by a Peruvian Shaman, inspired me to harness the raw, unfiltered power of the voice – the most intimate and potent instrument of the soul.

Album Artwork: Life-Size Painting

The concept of commissioning my esteemed friend and supporter, Shane Rodrigues, to create a life-size hyper-realism acrylic painting stems from my desire to honour the years dedicated to crafting this double album as a 'sonic painting'.
Dylan Chubb, whom I had the fortune of meeting during the 2019 Ayahuasca retreat, serves as the art director and photographer for this album. Additionally, my graphic designer, Eric from Kahinienn Graphix, transitioned from being an admirer of my work to a pivotal collaborator, working closely with me on a daily basis.

A Deeper Journey: Pain, Acceptance and Transcendence

The album is a portrait of human condition archetypes, presented as a collection of unrequited love stories from the perspective of a woman who tragically and willingly enters romantic affairs doomed from the start. In a way, she has crafted her own narratives and repeatedly played the same role ritualistically, yet remains unaware of the reasons.
She cycles through a pattern of attachment and detachment, with each encounter and departure symbolising love as an elusive flame, ultimately extinguished like a dream from the day before. In her songs, she narrates these tales while seeking answers and, ultimately, transcendence. She embraces the pain of each chosen experience, but must heal her wounds in solitude, thus invariably leaving each situation and returning to her inherent state of otherworldliness.
This explains why she conducts a funeral ritual for every man she once truly loved, only to inevitably forget and erase him from her heart. Despite her vulnerable, feminine, and melancholic exterior, she possesses an indomitable strength, allowing her to engage with love earnestly each time, and prepare herself for the next emotional adventure or life's upheaval.

People of all genders may find a piece of themselves in her at different times, as she embodies the collective consciousness: fear, pain, insecurity, lust, loss, disappointment, suffering, loneliness, and the longing to be loved. The sequence of pain she endures symbolises the unenlightened egoic state of human conditions — that of conditional love.
Emotionally, I became her while writing these songs

Final Thought

This album is dedicated to all who have endured heartbreak, pain, and suffering. Let us collectively hold funerals for our pains and embark on a journey of healing together.
I take immense pride in this album, so much so that if I were to pass away tomorrow, I would do so content. However, as long as I am alive, it is both my duty and honour to share this work with you and the world.
For most of my life, becoming the music artist I am today seemed an unattainable dream. This is why I urge you to liberate yourself and live your truth, regardless of your circumstances or age.

credits

released February 14, 2022

Written, Vocals & Production by Fifi Rong
Mix and Mastering by Oskar Vizan

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about

Fifi Rong London, UK

Chinese-British vocalist, songwriter, and producer FiFi Rong blends emotional vulnerability and her cultural heritage into her Avant-Pop vision. Known for collaborations with Skepta, Tricky, and more, she's recognised for her paradigm-pushing sound and spellbinding live shows. Currently working on her 7 EP Series "Qi:7," FiFi explores past traumas and cultural ties, fostering a hopeful narrative. ... more

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